Some thoughts

Posted by Wayne (Melbourne, Australia) on 21 February 2009 in Miscellaneous.

I know my blog's been gathering quite a bit of dust of late but suffice it to say that I've not been able to post as regularly as I'd like and that my life isn't all that rosy at the moment or has been for a while for that matter.

Anyhoo...I never really intend for this blog to become a forum for dissent or undue negativity so I'm just going to leave it at that.

Several things came up in my week and they all sorta coalesced into this motivation to commit it into writing. So here goes.

Whenever I get particularly stressed or frustrated...when my mission isn't clear and my path is uncertain....I constantly keep going back to my time in the Army. At first I used to just dismiss it as a fresher's timid fear of difference in a civilian lifestyle and being amongst younger aged peers in my university. Then, as time passed as it generally does, I would keep on coming back to this same place again.

Coincidence? Could've been...that was my excuse for my 2nd year away from the Army. Perhaps it was just 'fun' or a 'season' in my life - that was the reason I gave myself in my 3rd year out.

In my 4th year, I tried a different tack...I attempted to rationalise out the Army...the grass was greener where I stood....the opportunities for law were vaster and more financially rewarding than anything the Army could ever be able to offer me. That didn't work out too well either. Then I switched and went negative....that perhaps time and circumstance had dulled away the pain and heartache of military service...leaving me with a rosy and picturesque images. And that, given the somewhat painful time I was going through, worked for a while but eventually didn't last.

Then about a week ago...this article came up. Perviously in my 2nd year I had considered signing on to the U.S. Marine Corps reserve if I ever went over to the states to work and live. I admire the Marine Corps for many reasons but foremost amongst which is that they are an organisation born out of the belief that every marine is a rifleman first and that they are so united around the idea of the corps. But I digress...the article came up and made me revisit my thoughts on signing up for service again (since Singapore has no need of me). I mean this is the most pressing and defining moment of my generation...this is the crucible in which to test myself and be forged for the better. Perhaps not to most people...but the sight of this photo stirred my heart today. I look at the stories of the infinite endurance and spirit of humans under pressure and it makes me strain to break free of all these things and obligations that are hampering me down. One of my happiest moments of the month was when a friend of mine told me she had begun applications to enter into JAG (the military judicial side of the armed uniformed services). We share very similar views on the issue of serving one's country.

But as always these thoughts end up going nowhere...for now at least. In the future, I might consider service in the marines an option when and if I do head over to the states for my masters. So there's a shiny thought to keep me going through this rough patch even as I know I'll probably be too old for service by then.

In other news...I'm slowly reworking my thesis (the one about intellectual property, defence technology and national security) for publication to a strategic policy journal and de-emphasising the legal element in favour of the strategic and policy aspects and there's another paper in the works but I'll talk more about that when its ready.

Anyway...the following song by Jonathan Coulton (download-able here)captures perfectly my one thing that's keeping me afloat at the moment - my desire to return home to Singapore and as the line goes 'even if we don't belong...another week is gone..and...before too long, the whole damned thing will go away'


Pizza Day by Jonathan Coulton

Did you notice something?
Did the world seem different when you first got out of bed today?
Everyone's excited
Everyone feels happy in a way they can't explain today

Hooray, pizza day
Hooray, pizza day

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